Today I had something happen to me that some of you may think I am overreacting, but I take it as a wake up call. I was pumping gas and was cold so I got back into my van, gas was done pumping, I got out and grabbed the pump and was shocked by static electricity. FREAKED ME OUT!!! Not only was I freaked out because I couldve just lost my life, but after I started to think about it, I was very convicted and humbled. I began to think and think some more, tried to talk to an acquaintance about it , but she doesnt believe in me, she just looks at me as a baby believer, so... Nothing got accomplished there, I just got more upset. I got to talk to my Best Friend/Brother about it and as always he helps me through things like this, talked briefly w/ another friend and she seems to think I am to hard on myself, that I am "so awesome". I disagree.
I dont think I am hard enough on myself, I need to raise the bars a little, I feel and have felt for some time now that God is calling me to be more like Him, have a heart more like His, an attitude more like His, be more of a role model to others. Bottom line is that I am NOT ready to go before Him, I am scared of what He would say, think, and do. My goal is to be seated at His right hand, be favored by Him. Today if i had blown up, I really dont think He would have the attitude I want Him to have w/ me.
Yeah it scared me too because I thought of my girls not having me, and that hurts me because my husband isn't saved and who would raise them to follow Christ? Not anyone in my family, they wouldn't even know the church family anymore.
I really do believe that today was a wake up call from God. I need to be more aware of my surroundings, my attitude, above all not allowing my life to be a stage, it HAS to be an altar. I can't allow my old ways to be present in my life anymore. I have to step up and step out of the bad behaviors that surround me, not allow people to act in an ungodly manner around me anymore, if I allow it to go on, I am just as bad as they are.Be careful of what your eyes see, and be careful of what your ears hear. Junk goes in, Junk comes out.
I just pray for the Lord to open my eyes to what He wants me to do, who He wants me to be, and most of all, to just help me, and to make me the Godliest of all Godly women. I want people to look at me and say " WOW, she is a Godly woman, she Loves the Lord like no other!" People know I have changed and recognize the Godliness I now hold in my heart, but so many still see the old me, and I just cant have that anymore, like I said before I have to raise the bars a little, and really make sure people see God when they look at me...
Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2Corinthians 12:9
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You know what I think everyone should think and know that we should be doing as much as we can to have such an annointed relationship with God.
For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," and again, "The Lord will judge his people."
It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
~ Romans 10:30-39
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